Well, Donald Trump has ordered warning signs to be placed outside the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History in Washington, DC.
The signs will warn visitors that some exhibits contain what the Trump administration calls “inaccurate information” and direct them toward alternative sources of American history.
Because apparently the Smithsonian is no longer a museum...
it’s a disputed Wikipedia page.
I’ve been to the National Museum of American History a few times, and it is fantastic.
They have everything from George Washington’s iconic blue uniform...
to the Greensboro Woolworth’s lunch counter where four courageous young Black men staged a peaceful sit-in against segregation.
Or, as Trump’s sign will probably describe it:
“Popular vintage diner.
Known for its grilled cheese.
No additional context required.”
Thankfully, Trump can’t directly control the Smithsonian’s exhibits because it operates independently...
so he’s putting signs on the sidewalks outside.
Maybe that would be okay if the signs just said:
“Warning: This museum may contain history.
Side effects may include context, reflection...
and an increased ability to recognize fascism.”
But no, you know they’re going to read like Trump Yelp reviews:
“Terrible museum.
Too much history.
Very unfair to several presidents.
Staff refused to add me to the moon landing.”
The White House says the museum’s current leadership can’t be trusted to tell America’s story with sufficient “honesty and gratitude.”
Gratitude!
Apparently history should be grateful.
“Well, yes, some terrible things happened...
but did anyone remember to say thank you?”
Trump doesn’t want a museum.
He wants America’s refrigerator door:
A few flattering photographs...
a report card with all the bad grades hidden...
and a drawing of Daddy as the tallest person in the world.
—
Trump also attended the White House Correspondents’ Dinner for the first time as president.
The dinner is traditionally an opportunity for the president and journalists to poke fun at one another.
Trump used it as an opportunity to deliver personal insults, complain about the media and attack CNN journalist Kaitlan Collins.
So he really entered into the playful spirit of the evening...
the way a bear enters into the playful spirit of a campsite.
He also made jokes about Dylan Mulvaney’s Bud Light ad.
From 2023.
That one.
Three years later, the president of the United States is still furious about one trans woman drinking one beer.
Imagine having access to the nuclear codes...
and your emotional support grievance is an old Bud Light commercial.
Nothing says “I’m the most powerful man in the world”...
like using a nationally televised speech to complain that somebody you don’t know enjoyed a light beer incorrectly.
Dylan Mulvaney’s only crime was drinking Bud Light.
Which should have been punishment enough.
Many of Trump’s jokes reportedly received an awkward response.
He eventually started blaming the speechwriters.
That’s a strong move.
Nothing makes a comedy audience relax like the most powerful man in the world identifying the people responsible.
“I didn’t write these jokes.
Several young staff members did.
Their names, photographs and home addresses will be available after dessert.”
Trump also mocked Kaitlan Collins shortly after she received an award for journalism under deadline pressure.
He complained that Collins doesn’t smile enough.
This from a man whose official portrait looks like he’s starring in a dinner-theatre production of The Wrath of Khan.
“From hell’s heart...
I tariff thee.”
The whole event was supposed to celebrate press freedom.
And Trump did say that he supports a free press.
Very generous.
The press is free...
to report exactly what he wants...
—
Meanwhile, Toronto police are investigating after a shot was fired at the United States Consulate in downtown Toronto early Monday morning.
Police found a shell casing and damage to the front of the building.
Thankfully, no one was injured.
It is the second shooting at the consulate this year, and police say the motive remains under investigation.
This is obviously disturbing and completely unacceptable.
Police have not said whether this incident is connected to the previous shooting.
And until investigators determine what happened, nobody should speculate.
Fortunately...
we are a late-night comedy show.
Speculation is literally the fourth step in our formula.
Still, it is becoming increasingly difficult to tell whether something involving the American government is an isolated incident...
a political statement...
or the opening scene of a Netflix documentary.
Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow called it a brazen attack.
It certainly was.
The American Consulate is one of the most heavily secured buildings in downtown Toronto.
It’s essentially a concrete bunker surrounded by traffic...
which also describes most of downtown Toronto.
The good news is that no one was hurt.
The bad news is that Trump may now send over one of his Smithsonian signs:
“Caution: Canada may contain trace amounts of America.”
—
Finally, the federal government says it will not support plans to expand Billy Bishop Airport on Toronto Island.
More than 87,000 responses were submitted during the federal consultation, with a majority opposing changes amid concerns about noise and the waterfront.
The Ford government has been pushing to lengthen the runway so the airport can accommodate larger jets.
Ottawa has now said no.
After watching Doug Ford pressure Olivia Chow into supporting the expansion like a big brother bullying his little sister...
it was pretty satisfying to see the federal government come in and ground him.
“No bigger airplanes for you, young man.
And don’t make us turn this province around.”
Of course, Billy Bishop Airport is incredibly convenient.
You can leave downtown Toronto...
walk through a tunnel...
get on a plane...
and within minutes arrive in another city where you can complain about Toronto.
The concern is that an expanded runway would allow bigger planes and more traffic.
And people living near the waterfront don’t want additional aircraft noise.
Which is understandable.
They already live beside the Gardiner Expressway, construction, concerts, boats…
Actually, would anyone even hear the jets?
“Did a Boeing 737 just take off?”
“I don’t know. The Beaches are doing sound check.”
Ontario insists it is not giving up on the expansion.
Of course it isn’t.
Doug Ford approaches infrastructure proposals the same way a golden retriever approaches a closed patio door:
He may not understand the obstacle...
but he remains absolutely convinced momentum will solve it.
And that’s the difference between Canada and the United States right now.
America is putting warning signs outside museums because the government doesn’t like what’s inside.
Canada is preventing larger planes from landing at a downtown airport because 87,000 people filled out a survey.
One country is trying to rewrite history.
The other is checking the suggestion box.
We’ve got a show!
