Well...
Canada may be joining the European Union.
Sort of.
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen proposed today that Canada become the EU’s first-ever associate member.
Nobody knows exactly what an associate member is yet...
because they’ve never had one.
It’s exciting, but it does also sound slightly made up.
But I mean, that doesn’t mean it’s not a real position.
I think it’s nice to give things fancy names.
Like how staff at Aritzia are called Style Advisors...
or how I call the staff at Tim Hortons...
Executive Donut Facilitators.
But it is great news and would apparently mean a much closer relationship with Europe on things like trade, defence, energy, technology, and supply chains.
And of course...
we even now get to compete in Eurovision.
Canada’s whole relationship with Europe lately feels like what happens after you finally get out of a bad relationship.
Your friends spend years saying...
“You know you deserve better, right?”
“No, no... America and I are good.”
“Are you?”
“Yeah!
They just put a 50 per cent tariff on me because they care.”
And then finally...
Canada decides...
maybe I should work on myself.
So we start exercising.
Meet some new people.
Diversify our trade.
Buy some new clothes.
Go to Europe.
And just like in the movies...
take the glasses off...
pull the hair out of the ponytail...
take off the toque...
And America suddenly realizes...
“Wait...
Canada’s hot?”
Yeah.
Canada’s always been hot.
And Canada is definitely in the middle of some kind of economic makeover montage right now.
This week, the government held the first Canada Investment Summit in Toronto...
bringing together major international investors controlling more than $100 trillion in assets.
The government says announcements and commitments surrounding the summit totalled nearly $500 billion.
One of the biggest announcements was Bell dramatically expanding its planned Saskatchewan AI data centre project...
to as much as $52.5 billion.
The largest capital investment in Saskatchewan history.
Fifty-two and a half...
billion dollars.
In Saskatchewan.
That’s enough money to buy almost everything in Regina.
And apparently the project could create thousands of jobs.
Although...
it is an AI data centre...
so sadly Elle from Elle’s Cafe will be replaced by an AI robot racing around Regina on a scooter...
“I have consulted 14 billion weather data points...
It is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day here today in Regina, Saskatchewan!”
Ice cream falls off the cone.
ERROR.
DAIRY PAYLOAD LOST.
And then there was the photo.
Mark Carney.
Jean Chrétien.
And...
Stephen Harper.
All together for the Saskatchewan announcement.
It looked like somebody had accidentally selected...
“ALL FORMER PRIME MINISTERS”
on an Evite.
And Harper didn’t just show up.
He closed the summit and said Canada had “no choice” but to walk away from the recent U.S. trade negotiations...
and argued Canada needs to become less dependent on the United States.
Stephen Harper!
Harper showing up and agreeing with Mark Carney is like your Facebook uncle suddenly posting something that makes sense.
You’re staring at your phone going...
“I think Uncle Steve’s account has been hacked.”
And at the same summit...
Carney announced another pretty major change.
The government wants private investors to operate Canada’s four largest airports...
Toronto, Montréal, Calgary, and Vancouver...
through long-term concessions.
The government would still own the land and airport assets, but private operators could manage them.
Which sounds fine...
until you start imagining the worst possible investors.
“Welcome to Toronto Pearson International Airport...
brought to you by GateDash.
From the people who brought you DoorDash.”
Your flight is currently...
two minutes away.
...
Fifty-three minutes away.
...
Your pilot has another stop before yours.
Airbnb could take Vancouver.
“Welcome to YVR!
Before departing...
please strip the seats...
take the garbage to the curb...
wipe down Gate 32...
and load the dishwasher.”
“Also...
there’s a $275 cleaning fee.”
We’ve got a show!
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