Well, Donald Trump has apparently added another job to his résumé...
President...
golf course owner...
and now...
lawn-care influencer.
Trump gave what sounded remarkably like an ad read for Scotts Miracle-Gro from the Oval Office this week, praising the company after it replaced the White House South Lawn for “free.”
He actually praised their “great grass.” (I think he was misheard.)
This is the President of the United States.
Doing a lawn-care ad from the Oval Office.
At this point, I’m surprised he didn’t finish with...
“Use promo code GRAB’EM BY THE GRASS for 20% off.”
Trump also announced that he has won yet another golf championship...
at his own golf club.
Trump won the senior division at Trump National Bedminster.
Amazing.
He owns the golf course...
hosts the tournament...
plays in the tournament...
and somehow...
wins the tournament.
To be fair, Trump did shoot an impressive two strokes Kim Jong Un-der par 70.
Trump says people question his golf victories because they’re jealous of his talent.
Personally, I’m not questioning his talent.
Even if some people find it odd that he’s always number one on the Dear Leader Board.
Meanwhile in Canada...
the WestJet flight attendants’ strike is over.
The airline and the union representing 4,400 flight attendants reached a tentative agreement after a weekend of major travel disruption.
More than 900 flights were cancelled, affecting roughly a quarter-million passengers.
The big issue for flight attendants was compensation for more of the time they’re actually working, including time spent on the ground.
Which seems reasonable.
If you’re wearing the uniform...
dealing with passengers...
and standing inside an airplane...
you’re probably at work.
Nobody has ever looked at a flight attendant helping 180 people shove oversized suitcases into tiny overhead bins and thought...
“Look at her enjoying her free time.”
Meanwhile, staffing shortages mean the U.S. National Weather Service is launching fewer weather balloons.
The balloons collect information used to forecast temperature, humidity and wind.
Though, to be fair...
they’ve determined most of the hot air is coming from the White House.
Prime Minister Mark Carney says Canada will not use energy exports as a bargaining chip in trade negotiations with Donald Trump.
Carney says Canada needs to remain a reliable energy supplier because being trustworthy has value.
Which is very Canadian.
Canada supplies the United States with enormous amounts of oil, natural gas and electricity.
So energy would obviously be a significant bargaining chip.
But Carney says reliability matters.
I get it.
It’s a bit like making sure your mom packed the kind of snacks your bully likes...
so you can be reliably bullied...
because you know things would just get worse if you don’t hand over the chocolate chip granola bars.
The trick is to only give him the store-brand ones.
Mmmm... chocolatey cardboard.
And finally...
Donald Trump says he has decided how he will punish Canada...
for allowing wildfire smoke to drift into the United States.
A reporter asked Trump if he had decided on a punishment.
Trump said...
“I have, yeah.”
“You’ll find out about it soon.”
Ooooooooh.
“You’ll find out about it soon.”
I’m guessing it’ll be coming in about two weeks.
Gosh, “two weeks” from now is going to be very busy...
what with Trump announcing Canada’s punishment...
his healthcare plan...
his infrastructure plan...
So much stuff is happening in two weeks, I’m starting to think “two weeks” isn’t a period of time.
It’s where Trump stores things that don’t exist.
At first, every new Trump threat made Canada flinch.
Tariffs?
Annexation?
The 51st state?
We all went...
“Oh my God...
what is he going to do?”
Now he says...
“You’ll find out about it soon.”
And Canada goes...
“Okay, Orange Grandpa... we’ll circle back in two weeks.”
We’ve got a show!
