LATE NIGHT CANADA
August 20, 2026
Well, Canada and the United States may finally have a trade deal.
Maybe.
Donald Trump announced this week that he was pausing his threatened 50 per cent tariffs on Canadian goods for three days because...
we have a deal!
Great!
What’s in it?
Nobody knows yet.
But Trump did post an AI-generated image of himself seemingly ripping a piece of the Keystone pipeline out of a grave...
so we’ve... got that.
Trump says it’s a very fair deal...
while Canadian officials say significant progress has been made, but there’s still work to do.
So...
we have a deal...
we just haven’t finished making the deal.
It’s like announcing your wedding... while you’re proposing... before waiting for the answer.
“Will you marry me?... HEY EVERYONE, WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!”
“Mark, I said I’d think about it.”
One thing that does appear to be part of all this...
American booze may be coming back to Canadian liquor store shelves.
Prime Minister Mark Carney has reportedly asked provinces to consider stocking U.S. alcohol again after many of them pulled it in retaliation for Trump’s tariffs.
Some provinces are still cautious about putting American products back on shelves.
Which makes sense.
Because Canadians spent the past year or so discovering just how great Canadian wine and spirits can be.
Canadians have become fiercely loyal to Canadian booze.
Unless Jack Daniels rebrands as Jacques Danielle, we may never go back.
Harry and Meghan Are Heading Back
Meanwhile, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are reportedly moving back to the UK with their children.
Which is quite the journey.
They left Britain...
briefly lived in Canada...
moved to California...
and now they’re going back to Britain.
So apparently Canada was just the airport lounge in their escape from the Royal Family.
“Would you like to stay?”
“No thank you, one is just connecting through Vancouver.”
Of course, Prince Harry has expressed his desire to live a normal life for him and his family.
Abandoning all the glamour and luxury of being a royal.
However, they reportedly plan to keep their homes in California and Portugal as well.
Gosh, they really are just like us.
From Car Salesman to Prince
And speaking of unexpected royalty...
a 26-year-old Belgian former car salesman named Clément Vandenkerckhove has officially become a prince.
Clément spent years surrounded by rumours that his father was Prince Laurent of Belgium.
His mother eventually told him it was true, a DNA test reportedly confirmed it, Prince Laurent publicly acknowledged him last year...
and now he’s formally registered him as his son.
Which means Clément is officially royalty.
He was a car salesman.
Imagine going back to your old dealership.
“Remember when you wouldn’t give me Saturday off, Gary?”
“Yeah.”
“Guards... seize his Hyundai.”
He gets the title Prince of Belgium and inheritance rights...
but no royal allowance, no royal duties and no place in the succession.
So...
Prince Lite.
Same great aristocracy...
zero calories.
The CNE Has Chosen Violence
And finally...
the CNE opens in Toronto tomorrow...
which means it’s once again time for Canadian chefs to ask the annual question:
What if food was a threat?
Among this year’s offerings...
a Kraft Dinner smoothie...
pickle-flavoured coffee...
a pickle cheesecake pop...
Brie cheese deep-fried Oreos...
and a Korean fried chicken ramen taco topped with cotton candy aioli.
Canada has strict food safety regulations...
but apparently no food idea regulations.
A KD smoothie.
There are some things Canadians make that we should proudly share with the world.
Insulin.
The Canadarm.
Basketball.
Kraft Dinner blended into a beverage...
that one should stay here.
And that’s the news from Canada...
where we may have a trade deal with America...
Harry and Meghan are moving back to Britain...
a car salesman became a prince...
and Toronto is drinking macaroni.
Everything’s fine.
We’ve got a show!
