Your Politics Are Not a Costco Membership

Why Left and Right Are Less Real Than a $1.50 Hot Dog

We’re being pushed into groups.

It makes it easier for us to hate each other.

But here’s the cure…

“The Left” and “the Right” aren’t real.

They’re made-up clubs, invented and sold to the public by the people in power…
and by the loudest people with the most to gain.

These aren’t teams.
They’re marketing categories.
Political Costco cards handed out so you’ll think you belong to something while someone else cashes in.

Because in reality, there is no Left. There is no Right.
There are just people.
Messy, contradictory, inconsistent people.

Oh sure, there is good and bad but that’s on the individual.

If you want something real, look at Costco.

Being a Costco member is more legitimate than being “on the Left” or “on the Right.” At least Costco membership comes with a laminated card and access to cheap gas. And even then, it doesn’t mean anything beyond the fact that you paid your fee and someone at the door let you in.

You’re not suddenly responsible for the guy filling his cart with nothing but bulk tubs of Twizzlers. You don’t have to defend the woman buying a kayak, a gallon of mayonnaise, and a diamond ring in one trip. And no one expects you to explain why a stranger is hauling away a 32-pack of deodorant like they’re training for a sweaty apocalypse.

But in politics?

If someone “on your side” says or does something idiotic, suddenly you’re expected to explain it.
Why?
You didn’t load their cart.
You didn’t sign off on their receipt.

You didn’t act as a unit… because there is no unit.

If you think of yourself as Left or Right, imagine Costco is your shared thread with the other members.
How organized are you?
How in step are you?
What actually binds you?

You may share the opinion that it’s perfectly fine to buy nothing but Kirkland branded clothing but perhaps another member draws the line at your favourite bulk cheese.

Trying to divide people neatly into “Left” and “Right” is even less rigid than Costco membership.
At least Costco members can agree on one thing: hot dogs should never cost more than $1.50.

Actually, a Costco membership is closer to citizenship in a country.
Walk through those sliding doors and you’ll see it: you can’t easily divide people cleanly into opposite ends of a spectrum.

They’re all weirdos.
Of varying degrees.

There are good people and assholes and everything in-between.
There are families just trying to survive the week, and maniacs buying enough ranch dressing to survive nuclear winter.

If someone crashes their cart into a display of muffins, we don’t hold every Costco member accountable. If one guy stockpiles enough condoms to make the cashier blush, it doesn’t mean you’re implicated just because your card says “Member” too.

To be clear, if Costco management told them to crash their cart into the muffins, we can blame Costco management and the cart crasher…
but not the members as a whole.

That’s the con: Left and Right are not real sides.

They’re slogans to keep you divided, distracted, and arguing over the hot dog stand while a handful of people shoplift the cases of vodka soda and the big-screen TVs.

So when someone tells you you’re “Left” or “Right,” remember—it’s not a Costco membership.

A Costco membership is more real.

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