What To Do When Terrible People Die

A Polite Guide to Emotional Freedom and Light Social Awkwardness

**This is based on a personal experience with a relative who died recently but if it, you know, helps you as well, great**

So, someone terrible just died.
Not “complicated.” Not “rough around the edges.”
Just terrible.

They may have had moments of pleasantness, or fair perspectives, or generosity even.
However, by and large, they’d just say how they hated your laugh (you know… when you were happy, vulnerable and stuff), made fun of your kids, and excelled at cruelty.

And now comes the pressure to care.

Publicly.

To post something vague like “Rest in peace” with appropriate emoji “🕊️”
when what you really mean is:
Meh.

If they were a burden in life, you’re not obligated to romanticize them in death.
Not everyone earns a tribute.
Some people barely earn being let into Costco without a guardian.

So, what do you do when someone awful dies?

You skip the melodrama.
You hold your tongue (if only briefly).
And, if you need to, you read this satirical guide for emotional support and plausible deniability at the wake.

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1. Don’t Apologize for Not Crying
Your tear ducts aren’t malfunctioning. They’re accurately calibrated.
You didn’t cry when Sears closed, either.
And at least Sears offered something of value.

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2. It’s Okay to Feel... Okay
Think of it like when a neighbour with a leafblower moves away.
You don’t cheer… but you do open the windows more often.

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3. You Don’t Have to Lie
No one’s asking you to tweet, “I’ll miss their passion.”
Especially when that “passion” involved expressing how, gosh, as luck would have it, their ethnicity is the only good one and the rest are inferior.

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4. No Toast Necessary
There is no moral law requiring a toast.
You can simply say, “Welp,” and sip your drink in peace.

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5. Reflect, Don’t Repeat
Use their death as a reminder to not be the person everyone is relieved to lose.
Be the kind of person who earns real grief.
Not just a politely murmured: “Huh. So that happened.”

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Remember:
Just because someone dies doesn’t mean you owe them a rewrite.
Not every person was secretly misunderstood.
Some were just… loud and wrong.

To be clear…

No one deserves to die for being a dick.

At the same time, no dick deserves to be lauded just because they’re dead.

So yes, be kind.
Be considerate to those who will feel the loss more than you.
But also… be honest.

And maybe use this moment to make sure when you die, people will raise a glass to your memory.

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