WEAPONIZED POLITENESS AND YELLOW ROPE

or How To Stop Dickheadery Before It Ruins The Swan Parade

We need the yellow rope.

“I’m such an idiot.”

The usual response to this when said by someone you are with who makes an error is to say “no, not at all” or “ha ha (as in ‘ha ha… everybody is sometimes’).

This is not what he did.
He smirked and said “you are.”

I was helping this neighbour with some graphic design for his business.
The rules of behaviour seemed pretty clear.

Though it wasn’t hurtful, it was against the rules.
It was a blatant disregard of social decorum.
It made things unpleasant and it turned a polite throwaway comment into some sort of perceived victory for him.

It was then that it dawned on me that he had made a habit of weaponizing social norms, etiquette, general “don’t-be-a-dickheadery”.

Self-deprecation was met with agreeance.
Politeness was seen as weakness.
Propriety was imaginary.

Of course, as time is a wise teacher, he didn’t win.
He merely became known as ‘that asshole’ and the jumping off point for an essay on… people who behave like assholes.

In the past almost ten years there has been a lot of this type of behaviour.
Those who, upon discovery that good behaviour is an unwritten rule and not law, will behave terribly because it seems like a cheat code to success.

You know the old saying “It’s better to beg forgiveness than ask for permission”?
Some people have made a career out of it of late.

Thinking you can behave terribly because there’s no law against it and get what you want is a terrible way to live.
Plus it doesn’t work.
At least it doesn’t work for long.

Society may desire a quiet life, but it will only put up with your bullshit for so long.
The etiquette that lets you get away bad behaviour will round the corner and come back by politely but clearly shunning you.
The rules of polite society may not be written but they do have teeth.

That all said, we need to bring back the rope.
The yellow rope.

You see, here in Stratford we have an annual swan parade.
Yes, it is ridiculous but it is at once fabulous.

People line the street and the swans are paraded by pipe band from their winter enclosure to the river.

For decades the ‘security’ for this event was performed by the boy scouts.
They would lay a yellow rope along the ground on either side of the road and when it came time for the swans, the boy scouts would be given the instruction to lift the rope.

Sure, some people pushed ahead a little bit at various points but by and large the rope held and people stayed the hell out of the way of the marching mutes.

Why? Because no one wants to be seen as the asshole who pushed a 10 year old boy scout to the ground to get a selfie with a swan.

The rope didn’t physically prevent anyone from breaching the road but it was clearly a line that should not be crossed.

This past year there was no yellow rope…
AND IT WAS FUCKING CHAOS.
People pushing into the road and crowding the already terrified swans.

We need the yellow rope.

We don’t have a yellow rope for society…
but we need to make sure we all know where it would be if there was.

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(Pictured: Author’s pre-teen son demonstrates proper adherence to yellow rope at Swan Parade)