THERE IS NO 'WOKE'

or How To Be Conned By People Who Just Want A Sweet Pension

The hotel saw a lot of visitors from Quebec and France.

The front doors of the small boutique hotel would open slightly at the end of the hall and a person would stick their head through and say, “Hello. Est-ce que tu parles français?”

I would straighten my posture from behind the front desk and confidently reply, “Oui! Une petite pluie!”

A view from the actual front desk

The person, and there were many, would sigh and then continue our conversation in english.

I was always crestfallen. My french wasn’t great but I could muddle through and if the other person spoke slowly enough I could usually understand them and they could understand me.

But nope. Pas de luck. They’d always sigh and then just continue in english.

SIDE NOTE: I still think my french is pretty good. Though Gordon Ramsay (who is an excellent french speaker) told me directly once that it was… uh, how do you say?… ‘pathetic’.

I could never understand it. I just attributed it to, you know, francophones being all stereotypically french. I mean, case in point, Paris remains the only city in the world where after asking for directions at an Information desk the woman behind the counter sighed, blew cigarette smoke directly at my face through the little circle in the glass, and then answered my question like I was an idiot for asking her.

Surely, it’s the francophones that were the problem and not my french language skills.

This went on for over a year. Person after person, sticking their head in the door…

“Hello. Est-ce que tu parles français?”

“Oui! Une petite pluie!”

“*sigh* Do you ‘ave any rooms for dis evening?”

Eventually I asked Shannon (my wife who also happens to be bilingual) what I was doing wrong… you know, just in case it was my fault.

She then explained to me that when people were asking if spoke french, I was eagerly replying with “Yes! A little bit of rain!”

I had been doing this for OVER A YEAR. Believing it was THEIR fault and not mine.

What an idiot.

I learned that what I was supposed to be saying was “Oui!, Un petite peu!” (Yes! A little bit!).

So, I learned.
And I changed what I was doing.
So I could make life a little easier/better/welcoming for others.

There was no need for me personally to change what I had been doing.
I mean, they spoke english anyway and they needed a hotel room.
So there was no direct benefit to me.

I guess I could’ve just kept doing it wrong but… then I’d just be an asshole.

All this to say… there is no ‘woke’.

Nah, it’s not that militant or cool even.
Just learning and adapting… because you want to make life a little better for others and, in turn, yourself.

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(Pictured: Long-suffering wife stands at front desk mentioned in story with author in effort to stop him from inadvertently replying with weather reports in french)