The panic would set in around November 25th.
The day after my birthday.
I’d usually get a few hundred bucks in cash from my parents, grandmother and in-laws. That money would usually immediately go to the most outstanding bill in the pile.
Not ‘outstanding’ as in flashy but rather ‘outstanding’ as in there were two guys out standing in the driveway waiting for the word to break my legs.
Well, at least that what it felt like.
Our kids were young, money was super tight and Santa and his reindeer were galloping over the horizon with a maniacal look in their eyes… that’s right, even the reindeer.
There was nothing for me to look forward to at Christmas except stress, debt and begging for loans to pay off that debt.
Now, to be clear, my kids nor my wife, Shannon, ever put any pressure on me. No one was openly wishing for anything extravagant for Christmas but all I could feel was the weight of letting them down… again.
Even if they didn’t paint a picture of their dream Christmas and arriving at the tree on Christmas morning to EXACTLY what they wanted PLUS things they never dared dreamt of receiving… I felt it. I felt like they were thinking those thoughts and dreaming those dreams.
I also felt like a failure as a Dad and husband.
This is probably the part where you think I’ll turn it around and say “but y’know, I learned that you don’t need to get your loved ones the gifts they want and the ones you want to give them to have a Merry Christmas…”
Well, you’re wrong.
Christmas sucks, when you don’t have enough money.
It becomes a yearly spotlight on just how seemingly shit things are in your life.
Merriment costs money.
The joy on your kids faces when they open their presents costs money.
That Christmas dinner where you all gather round together costs money.
Without money… Christmas is a bit shit.
BUT…
Things got better for me, and they hopefully will for anyone else in that situation.
I received lots of financial help from family to stay afloat.
I received a lot of favours and good will from friends that helped immensely.
Thankfully, life, like the weather, never stays the same.
Great then not great then great again.
You just have to keep going.
I’m happy to say that I love Christmas again.
I get to buy things for family and friends AND not worry (too much) about paying the bills.
I’m not rich but I’m certainly a hell of a lot better off than I have been.
If you’re looking forward to Christmas this year, pause for moment and think about how you can help someone else look forward to Christmas as well.
It’s a pretty great time when you can afford it.
Drop a few bucks in a charity drive.
Buy a bag of groceries for donation.
Get a couple of little extra things for the neighbours.
Grab a gift or two from the wish lists of kids staying in women’s shelters this year at our site, ChristmasWishTree.com.
Be someone’s good luck.
Help make Christmas not suck for somebody.
They’ll be very grateful.
I am.
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We grew up poor . Working poor but poor and yet I remember Christmas as the happiest season . I never did get an easy bake oven- my hearts desire for a few years. A stocking with an apple an orange hard candy and nuts was such a treat. There were six kids in our house and we all bought something for everyone. At one point we had a dollar each to spend- you do the math. The five and dime was a goldmine. My one regret as a parent is that I never let my kids experience the disappointment of not getting their wish coupled with the delicious thrill of hoping for something special and occasionally getting it . So put down the guilt and the debt. “Christmas doesn’t come from the store “ to quote the Grinch. Have the happiest of Christmases with your family. Hold them close and enjoy what you have in the moment.
I’m trying. Thanks for being an inspiration.