HOW TO TELL NEGATIVITY TO F#CK OFF

or What To Try When Your Brain Is Being A Dick

I could feel it.

You know that thing where old movies have dark rounded corners so it looks like the main image is in an oval?
That’s called a vignette overlay, these days.
Maybe the old days too, I don’t know and I’m really not that concerned to bother finding out.

Anyway, yesterday it felt like that.
It always feels like that.

Things get darker.
My peripheral vision seems diminished.
The world seems smaller and horribler.

My brain starts to collect all the stuff that has gone wrong, real or fabricated by itself, and demands that I focus on failure.

I’m old enough and experienced enough with this feeling to know that, for me, there is one first line of defense for my well-being…

I tell myself to fuck off.

That voice in my head that usually mocks me and tries to make me feel like an imposter suddenly comes to my defense.
Like a bully who will be pleased with dunking my head in the toilet for three toilet swirlies but four toilet swirlies is a swirly too far.

That normally dickheaded voice will come to my rescue and tell the negativity to fuck off.

It wasn’t always like that.
I’m not sure it’s like that for anyone else, to be honest, but I figured it’s worth sharing in case it helps you.

It took a lot of thinking about how to handle negativity when it slithers into my thoughts (no offence, snakes) when I was feeling rather positive.
Doing that feels weird at first.
When you’re feeling good you generally don’t want to think about feeling bad.

However, I think this might be how you trick your bastard brain into tidying up after itself.
Like a friend who is an absolute liability after a few drinks, you plan on how to best deal with them before your third pint.

It’s not a magic remedy.
Sometimes it needs to be coupled with a lie down, a chat, or just time.
But it’s helped me immensely.

When negativity creeps in, I try to see it for what it is…
Futile and useless.

Don’t confuse this with taking a stiff-upper lip approach though.
It has that look but this isn’t about ignoring actual problems.
This is about saying to yourself, keep the moping to a minimal required amount, fix what you can and stop trying to take responsibility for what you can’t, you asshat.

Of course, mental health is just your health.
Full stop.
So, if you need more than the ramblings of a social media darling to feel better, just go get that help.
Seriously. Nobody cares if you need help. We just want you to be happy.

But… if you try my little method and it works for you, great.

When negativity crashes the party… tell it to fuck off.

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(Pictured: Author poses with dickhead brain and fetching hoodie)