My sister-in-law died last week.
That’s a grim starting line but this gets happier, I promise.
Emily was wonderful… and annoying… and, until she wasn’t, unbreakable.
Sad things are sad and you can process and suppress as needed…
but when you’re this close to Grief Ground Zero, almost every attempt to avoid grief are futile.
You are forced to give in.
Let it wash over you.
Let it contort you and twist you.
Let it steal words from your mouth before you can say them.
You are at the mercy of grief…
And that’s good.
So much of our energy can be wasted on trying to control the uncontrollable.
We often expend our time and joy trying to maintain this illusion of constantly needing to be in the driver’s seat when sometimes the steering wheel we’re gripping onto for dear life isn’t even connected to the goddamn car.
Sometimes you need to stop trying so hard to go hard and just… go floppy.
(I told you it would get a little bit lighter… this is why double entendres were invented.)
We know there are times in life that, for the most desirable outcome, will require us to gird our loins (*insert more wiener jokes) (**insert ‘insert more wiener’ joke) and get things done.
That’s good and is how most things get done…
but not everything.
We need to also realize that there are times that no matter matter how hard we try to push through and try to control a situation… it will be for nowt.
It will happen or won’t happen regardless.
In those times, we need to take solace in the fact that we cannot control everything.
Sometimes we just need to let life happen, regroup and start going hard again.
Grief.
Job search.
Relationships.
Whatever.
There’ll be times to go hard… and times to go floppy.
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SOME HOUSEKEEPING
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Be kind to yourself and others
There are situations where you just have to feel it. Don’t power through. It means you cared. Condolences to your family.
Life has a way of handing us situations we can’t control and death is one of them. All the euphemistic phrases in the world combined will not bring them back. I am sorry for your pain at this time.