I’ve noticed a number of prominent pseudo gurus out there these days.
To be clear, and for full-disclosure, I am no guru either.
In case that was in doubt (stop laughing).
There has always been a bounty of pseudo gurus but lately I’ve noticed lots of them promising salvation, respite and instruction to history’s most maligned and oppressed group… men.
(That last bit may have been sarcastic… okay, it was).
However, they all seem to be making a killing at it.
Like, serious cash.
Some men, faced with the crushing modern day pesky reality of equity, are keen to pay whatever it takes to be told they can maintain whatever advantage or privilege it is they think they’re losing. Power, opportunity, the ability to take up three seats on public transit because their ample manliness obviously demands it, and/or the general right to be manly.
There’s a panic that simply being a man will soon no longer be enough to succeed. That brashness, abrasiveness and being emotionally stunted will no longer be seen as prerequisites to any job.
There’s even a panic that all those things deemed ‘manly’ will soon no longer be allowed. Like there will be roaming gangs of police (who are somehow exempt from the No Bro Dudes law) who will be rounding up anyone with a moustache who’s talking about how great boobs are.
Never one to shy away from an opportunity, I thought to myself…
how can I get in on this racket?
How can I help to explain the tricky path to being a man in the modern age?
So, here goes.
How to be a man?
Don’t be an asshole.
Proceed with all those things you deem manly but stop before you get to ‘asshole’.
A good distance before.
Ideally as soon as you see the ‘asshole’ sign up ahead.
Be competitive and assertive or don’t.
Wear your cargo shorts or don’t.
Drink beer or don’t.
Like cars and moustaches or don’t.
Appreciate boobs or don’t.
Be a man.
But stop right before asshole.
It’s that simple.
Good luck, men.
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This is so phenomenal! I actually have tears from laughing. This is so good. Hoping you book a motivational speaking tour :)
Why men don’t get it that good manners and consideration go a long way in this world I will never understand . It isn’t rocket science guys.